North vs South

I grew up about 30 miles north of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I lived there most of my life until I was 44 years old. All of my family was local, and everyone was within 10 minutes. It was great. I then moved to New Jersey down by the shore. It was still home because I was only about 1 1/2 hours away from the family and the area was quite familiar since we had always had summer vacations at the shore. In August of 2021, my boyfriend and I moved to Georgia. There is a stark contrast of the way of life down here from where I came from.

If you have ever driven on Interstate 95, you know that it can be like driving in the Daytona 500. That goes for the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey as well. It’s not about the roadway really. It’s more about the attitude of the drivers. They give these major roadways a very specific personality. In Pennsylvania, I lived right outside of Philly, and in New Jersey, I lived between Philly and New York. There’s a certain edge to a majority of folks who drive back and forth between these cities. The speed limit may say 65 but that’s not exactly what it means. According to the law of the land up there, 65 is the minimum speed that is acceptable to those weary travelers who commute back and forth each and every day. The right lane is for slow pokes like the elderly or new teen drivers doing 65, and the middle lane is for the average driver like Mom and the kids heading to visit grandma. The far left lane is for the people who like to live on the edge. 75, 80 mph or higher seems to be the norm in that lane. Drivers may start out in the right lane and decide they want to get a little frisky so they move in and out between the right lane and the middle lane. But, once they experience that little bit of freedom they throw all caution to the wind and hop on over to the dark side. The LEFT lane. New York drivers were notorious for driving in the left lane and only doing 65. That situation leads to the road rage aspect of manipulating yourself in and out of all 3 lanes. Complete chaos. In contrast, here in Georgia, Most folks drive the speed limit. There is still the major Interstate 75 with the same 3 lanes. But it’s a very different experience down here. Sometimes you have the crazies speeding in and out of lanes, probably because they are out of staters from New Jersey. One of the most fascinating things to me on the roadway is that when it rains, just a little spritz, all you see is brake lights. Yes, on the interstate! A little rain shower and panic sets in immediately. I was driving from Macon to my home in Byron which is only about 20 minutes. It started to rain a little and it was like a Christmas tree being lit up. Red light, red light, red light. Everybody wants to basically stop, and give up. Out of nowhere traffic comes to a halt. In New Jersey, the vehicles don’t slow down for anything. There’s a Jersey attitude that says, “Ain’t nothing gonna slow me down”. Snow, rain, sleet, or hail will not keep a Jersey man down.

Speaking about the driving situation here in Georgia, there’s a concept that is so foreign to me. Up North when you come to a stop light with a left turn signal, if you aren’t able to make it through all the way, you sit in the middle of the intersection waiting for the lane to clear. Down here there is none of that. It’s bizarre. It is so ingrained in me to inch out and slowly get through. They absolutely do not believe in that down here. Nobody does it. So since I’m here, I must adhere to this new way of navigating. To top that off, there is no urgency at all to get to your destination. You could sit at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for the car in front of you to decide to make their turn. The speed of life down here has two modes, slow and backward. I have enough patience most of the time but my boyfriend is a tried and true Jersey driver and patience is not in his DNA.

Besides the driving aspect of the differences down here, there are some other things to note. For instance bread. I cannot even describe the longing I have for a decent Italian bread. You can’t get good bread here but you can get biscuits. Biscuits and cornbread are a staple at most meals in the South. It’s not just the bread it’s other food too. My boyfriend stopped in a Waffle House and asked for home fries and they honestly did not know what he was talking about. Here you can get hash browns but they aren’t really hash browns like we know them. They are shredded potatoes. Not even close to what we are used to. While at the Waffle house, he asked for a hard roll. The lady looked at him sideways and said, “Why in the world would you want a HARD roll?” Now let’s move on to the pizza. Oh, the ache in my soul. There is no pizza like the pizza up North. Let’s face it, the northeast has a love affair with food. Up there, they know how to do food. We have searched for good pizza. Most of the pizza here is franchise stuff. Some pizza shops just can’t get it right. But surprisingly in our quest we were able to find a hidden gem. It’s called Two Guys and a Pie. Guess what? They are from New York. YES!!! They know how to get it done. It is amazing and the crust Is perfect every time. We have to travel 30 minutes for this glorious concoction and it is worth every single minute

Now let’s move on to the fast food situation. We have all the major players, McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s,, Chick fila and Popeye’s. We also have Zaxby’s. I never heard of them before but it’s nice to have a little variety. The major difference here is the drive-thru window. We order food same as the rest of the world but at our local Burger King they ask for your name. I say, “Mary”. The person takes my order and says, “Ok, Miss Mary, you can come on down.” When I get my food the person calls my name, Miss Mary and hands it over with a huge smile and tells me to have a Blessed Day. C’mon now, not ever in my life up north.

The general population down here is so extremely friendly. I have to laugh because boyfriend never liked to talk to people in the grocery store or anywhere for that matter. Now, he chats. Haha! Yes, he chats. Whenever you drive through the neighborhood if you see a passing car, you will see them wave at you. Everybody waves to each other as you go through the neighborhood. Yes, boyfriend now waves to everyone. Talk about culture shock. We now live in the Bible Belt and with that being said, religion and church are a way of life here. They still dress up for church on Sundays. The churches have all kinds of events and are always reaching out to people. It’s kind of a dreamy state of being because it reminds me of back in the day when community was important.

Festivals. There is a festival for everything. Cherry Blossom Festival, Dogwood Festival, Strawberry Festival, International Festival, State Banana Pudding Festival, and there’s the Rodeo. Then there’s the annual event of all events. It lasts for 2 solid weeks. If you come to Middle Georgia everyone talks about the fair. It is a fair on steroids. Because it is country down here, there are all sorts of farm animals and shows. Of course, there are rides and tons of food. I would describe the fair as being in comparison with the Wildwood Boardwalk in New Jersey. It is the event of the year. The schools take their fall break at the same time so families can go to the fair. Everyone goes to the fair. Lots of country living down here and I do love it. It feels like everything in life is a celebration.

There are some other differences that I’ve noticed. We are in the South so most people own guns and hunt and fish. The hunting isn’t just for deer. It includes wild hogs, gators, and snakes. Of course, the language is different. The Southern accent is pretty cool to listen to. Sometimes, though, certain people have a really heavy accent and with everyone wearing masks when we first came down, I couldn’t understand them. I think I’m more used to it now. They say things like, “Bless your Heart” and “Yall”.

When we moved down here it was difficult to acclimate. I found that I had so much fear of this whole new environment. I didn’t think I could ever comfortably drive around and know where I was going. The fear was stifling. I guess that because I was older and more set in my ways, the change became intense for me. I am happy to report that I have overcome that fear and I feel much more settled and very happy in this slowed-down environment where neighbors have chickens and goats and cows. I like traveling on the side roads where there are fields of cotton. I like the level of respect given to elders. Young children always refer to me as Miss Mary and it is very endearing. Yes, it is a different way of life. The climate is warmer in both weather and human interactions. After almost 2 1/2 years living in Georgia, I finally feel like I’m home.

Efficient House Cleaning Tips

There are many different cleaning hacks out there to help you be more efficient and thorough. For example, choosing the best time of day to clean. Some people work better in the morning because mentally and physically they are fresh. Some folks are not morning people and need several doses of caffeine and motivation to be at their best. Some work better in the evening. This is a foreign concept for me. If the cleaning isn’t done before noon, it isn’t happening. My brain doesn’t compute anything in the pm. I’m the type of person that performs best around 10am. I need time to acclimate into being awake so 10ish is when I’m at peak performance. That gives me about 2 hours to accomplish my chores. Honestly, nobody should have to spend more time than that on cleaning in a day. C’mon, there’s more to life than finding dirt and cleaning it.

Other than finding the best time of day to clean the house there are other things to consider. The method matters. Are you the person who quickly vacuums the middle of the room and calls it a day? Or, how about just keeping the lighting low and candlelight so that nobody notices the dust on your tables. Some only like to clean one room a day. I need the whole house done at once to feel that sense of satisfaction. I’m the type A personality that wants everything done right and immediately. But I’m always trying to find more efficient ways to thoroughly clean my house. Recently I stumbled upon a method that escalates my efficiency 100 percent. It’s called “Angry Cleaning “.

A recent experience catapulted me into this amazing frenzy of sanitation. I had planned to clean my house in the morning like I always do. I was leisurely getting myself moving that morning. I decided to go out and get breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and then when I got home I would start my chores. But, something happened in the meantime. I had a slight disagreement with my person. It was the most stupid situation, arguing about traffic. Right! Nothing that mattered in the grand scheme of life. But I got really agitated which isn’t the norm for me to get so worked up. However, there I was like a rogue gas tanker on the highway speeding down a mountainside and taking the turn way too fast. You only need a tiny spark to create a firestorm when there’s that much gas rumbling around inside you. Words were exchanged and all the angry birds were swirling around my head. I don’t normally get loud in a disagreement but it was warranted this time. When you’re in the heat of the moment you have to release all that angry-ness without trying to destroy another with your words. Time to walk away but the pot is boiling and starting to spill over. We both went our separate ways in the house. I began to do my chores. Meanwhile, I’m fired up as I ruminate the whole thing. I started out with the dusting. Normally I use my swiffer duster but I decided that this was the day to pull out the furniture polish to give it a good, complete dusting. In my flaming emotional state, I rapidly removed everything off each surface and sprayed that polish like a delirious lunatic. I guess I was trying to wipe away any remnant of discord from the scene. When I started the morning I was in a more leisurely state but now I had this jolt of intensity. Next was the vacuuming. Usually, a person glides the vacuum back and forth at a laid-back pace, slowly creating those lines in the carpet that look like a well-groomed lawn. It’s always nice to sit back afterward and admire your work. On this particular day, I didn’t care about creating a well-manicured golf course in my living room. I was full of pis and vinegar. No, not on this day. In my enraged delirium, I pushed that vacuum with all the velocity of a jet engine. Whoosh, Whoosh! Back and forth, back and forth over the same spot. Keep moving, bursting, rushing, cleaning… There you go, let it all out. By the time I was finished, I had worked up a sweat. But, I felt it. I felt the liberation of the full release of that pent-up exasperation. And to top it off, my house was immaculate.

I am not encouraging disputes in your life. But emotions arise and we as humans react in all different ways. It is such a relief when you feel that heaviness of disharmony being lifted right out of your soul. When it flows out of you it’s an incredibly peaceful feeling. Emotions are real but we can’t give them the power to destroy us. Sometimes we just need to separate from discord and allow ourselves the time to release and reset. In the meantime, there’s always a positive note to obtain from the fray. And, my house is looking pretty good too.

Winter

It’s mid-January and the weather is turning colder here in Middle Georgia. I don’t like the cold but I guess I have to accept it. You can’t change the weather, can you? I am also living in a personal winter season. That is, it’s cold and dark and sad in my soul. I’ve lost my beloved son and I’m trying to scratch my way out of this incessant grief. I don’t like winter. The days are especially long and the daylight is limited. I can’t seem to find warmth. I’m searching for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Where can I find the glow of life? I’ve seemed to have lost it. I need to feel a spark, the spirit of joy and peace. 

There are days when I don’t cry. Not too many but I try to set a goal to string together at least two days in a row. It doesn’t always work. I can move through my day by doing routine chores and trying to get through without feeling sad. Then, as if a launch sequence has been activated, a minuscule remembrance triggers me and everything stops. Like a knife piercing through my heart, heartache and sadness fill every vein in my body, replacing all the life-giving blood right out of my being. Grief begins to bubble up and becomes an explosive eruption that cannot be held down. The invasion of such emotion encompasses my throat and bursts through any barrier that tries to stop it. Like a solar flare being spewed by the sun out into the universe, it all escalates into a cascading waterfall. I guess, I have to accept it.

Life is hard and grief is even harder. Muddling through this winter season is all encompassing. There is not a moment that goes by that I don’t think about my son. In everything I do, think, and say, he is always on my mind. I wish I could put this all away and prepare for spring. But how do you prepare for moving on without someone you love?

I always considered spring to be a magical time. Winter comes and everything goes dormant. The world seems brown and dark and cold. But every year a new cycle emerges. A miracle begins to develop. The sun stays a little longer. Something sparks the beauty of life once again. Within a short time, there is a detonation of color and heat and, sweet fragrance filling the air. When a body feels warm there is a sense of comfort, a sense of well-being. I want to feel the caress of the life-giving spirit. I want to feel alive once again. Oh, how I want to enter the spring season of my grief. I’m waiting to feel comfort and peace, not just sadness and pain. 

I’m hoping that my spring is beginning to show itself. I get glimpses of it from time to time. I visit with my grandson who is 11 months old. There is no joy greater than being in his presence. All the worries of life wash away and this tiny little baby opens up my heart and fills it with spirited love and light and joy. The power of his innocence transforms my winter into spring within a heartbeat. I can see the light when I see his face. I am hopeful for the bloom of spring in my soul. I am grateful for the powerful love that was shared between my son and me. I will patiently wait for the emergence of a full, beautiful, colorful spring in my soul.

Round and Round

Round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows.

My mind, my ruminating mind, doesn’t have an off switch. Sometimes I feel dizzy with thoughts. Whirling around with the force of the wind, a tornado touching down, wreaking havoc in my world. The constant racing makes me lose my balance and then I fall down.

My life has had so many changes in the last year. I used to be grounded and at peace. Always looking at the positive side of situations. Always trying to see the Pearls of Wisdom. But in this life there are seasons. There has to be because everything cannot always be sunshine and roses. But that’s okay because it’s the contrast that makes us appreciate things. Being forced into routine changes, environmental changes, people, places and things, gives me the opportunity to grow. Grow out of my comfort zone and find a new version of myself.

With all the changes of selling my house, moving to another state away from my family into an entirely new environment, I found myself lost and feeling like an island. Alone. My mind started this incessant processing. A keyboard space bar stuck as it races across the page. Panic sets in, I can’t stop it. Help! I can’t stop it. Whirling around and around, the thoughts, the details, so many details to attend to. Stop! The transformer blew up. The sparks flying and flashing. No more processing can be done. It’s broken.

It’s been a long season. As the spring brings all new life, I’m beginning to emerge into a new headspace. The buds of my soul are starting to sprout into a more peaceful existence, patiently waiting for me to allow the rotating cyclonic visions, thoughts and words to course through my veins and flush out of my being. I say being because I am relearning that I need to just “BE”.

You see, I have not been lost. Rather, I’ve been dormant. I’ve been in the winter season so to speak. But, as the live oak standing in my yard was empty of life, or as it seemed, bare, naked and without color, the brilliance of light began to glow through those empty branches and burst into a beautifully green and lush tree of life. My new season has begun. It’s time to open up and allow the light to glow through me. I feel the spark inside me now. It’s still small but the aura of lightness is awakening. I am grateful to my Holy Spirit for holding me close through this evolution.

Scattered, Here, There, Everywhere

My mind, oh my mind, it is running laps around a very small area called my brain. The thoughts keep racing. The details continually spew out of the grey matter. Oh my!

Did you ever pack up your house to move away? You never really know how much stuff has been accummulated over the years. For example: You open up your kitchen cabinets. It’s just a tiny kitchen, very unassuming. Slowly open the door and suddenly a blast of plastic containers and lids cascades down on your head. These things have a life all their own. You had put them in very neatly. They were stacked to perfection and BOOM!, they multiplied and decided to dance on your face. I wonder where they got their devilish soul from as they hid unpretentiously inside their dark cave. See, that’s what happens when you leave things alone in the dark overnight.

When you start putting glasses and plates and mugs in boxes it becomes a deluge of unqualified pointed objects. Each one has the opportunity if dropped or broken, to carve slits in your skin, leaving you nothing but a bloody cluster of mayhem. Once again, the multiplication takes place. It was just two shelves in a cabinet and now it has become 35 abundant stuffed boxes that you have nowhere to put.

Pots and pans are no joke. The debauchery they can afflict has no bounds. Their heaviness alone, if mistakenly plummets on your foot, can render you mangled and hobbling for a good amount of your future days. If they fall on your head, forget it, you find yourself concussed and unable to speak coherently. The assemblage of these obnoxious beings have extensive power. Drop them on the floor and the sound will provide you with certain deafness for God knows how long. Gremlins, I say, they are all gremlins. Kitchen cabinets are filled with these hateful little creatures. Oh, if they could talk. All the elements contained within must conspire in the darkness, trying to figure out a way to inflict pain and suffering on us unwitting humans. For this exact reason is why I try to keep my distance from the kitchen. I have kept this secret for long enough. I knew their was evil lurking in that room. I just knew it.

But, I digress. I was talking about the wonderful jungle gym that is my brain. But, clearly you can see why my thoughts have the capability to flit around and around with no place to settle. Copious amounts of specifics are involved in these tasks. I’m beer battered, dipped in hot, boiling oil, fried. How can I not be? Look at the dangers lurking in my home. The nefarious existence of creatures living in my kitchen. There’s more, much more of them throughout my house. This is a beastly assignment that has my consciousness on high alert. It’s impossible to keep this thinking mechanism grounded while under duress. Just impossible.

Ah, but there must be a silver lining somewhere in this chaos. Of course there is. But, sometimes change can be stressful. Change shakes us up and moves energies around in our lives. Humans like routine. It is a place of comfort and knowing and peace. The flowing and movement of energy is necessary to grow and evolve. Every new thing that we go through brings new life, new spirit and new excitement. The process of shifting energies is difficult. The only way around it is to walk through it. The other side of the process brings a vibrant peacefulness into our hearts. There is one caveat: We must allow it. We must embrace the newness of experiences without judgement. Walk through it, don’t be afraid. My life experience has taught me to keep moving on. I am happy that I have taken leaps of faith throughout my life. I’ve lived in darkness and depression but somehow I was able to keep moving, keep loving and keep hoping. I am unconditionally grateful for every change that has brought me to where I am right now. I have evolved because of the changes in my life.

Take a chance, whether you chose the change or were forced to make it, take that step, that leap of faith. Life is always good. Live it, love it and thrive in it. It’s all good.

Hot Minute

It’s been a hot minute since I have written anything.

It’s been a hot minute since Covid arrived.

It’s been a hot minute and my life has changed drastically.

My last post was about exhaustion. Exhaustion from not being able to freely express my disagreeance with anyone. It’s been a hot minute since I have felt that.

I have come out of that mindset through many tears and depression. It’s been a hot minute since the world punctured me with fear.

I’m not engaging in that fear anymore. I’m on an unknown path at the moment. My environment is changing and I am stepping into a new realm of my life. I feel excited for what’s to come and a little sad for what’s being left behind. But really, nobody is being left behind. My love will never leave anyone behind.

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve endeavored on the last major life change. I did it though. I took the leap of faith and met my love and have built a life with him. Now it is time for him and I to take a leap of faith together and see what life may bring.

So many changes in the past year. Crazy changes. Changes of life, love, circumstances for myself and my family. I am happy to have experienced it all.

It’s been a hot minute since I have been watching a giraffe named Johari, waiting for her to deliver her calf. I’ve been watching her since October. It’s been a comforting routine to wake up each morning and pull up the giraffe cam on youtube. It has brought great joy to my life watching this animal and all the animals at Animal Adventure Park. The animals teach us so much. They don’t worry. They don’t fear. They just “Be”. Yes, it’s been a hot minute that I have allowed myself to just “Be”.

I’m sure there will be many more hot minutes in my life. I’m ready to embrace the changes that lay before me. I have love in my life all around from my family, friends, pets, nature. I feel the spirit of God in everything I see.

It’s been a hot minute since I have visited with you and I am joyful to see you again, my friends.

Enjoy your today and don’t let too many hot minutes pass between you and your loved ones.

Peace to you, always.

Exhaustion

I’m awake but I’m tired. I’m tired of being tired. Im tired of not being my true self even though I know better. Im tired of trying to please everyone. I’m tired of not expressing myself with raw feelings. I want to scream but I don’t want to upset anyone. When is it my turn to just scream from the rooftops how I truly feel. I’m sick and tired of taking care of everyone but me. I’m tired of censoring how I respond to things because others don’t like dealing with attitude. I have attitude today and I want to share it with the world. But, I sit and hold back my tears, fears and frustrations. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. I want to be free right now at this moment. I want to cry with reckless abandon. Oh, God please let me be me.

The Great Conjunction

This is a repost from my friend Renee @ Silent Wisdom. The world is ready for a big change. Please read her post to help leave behind the old, unworthy worries and move forward into a new, loving world.

Silent Wisdom

Humanity is at a critical juncture in it’s history. This rare astrological event ushers in a powerful and symbolic time with Jupiter and Saturn’s alignment. An event that hasn’t taken place since 1623. This alignment also ushers forth a new 2000 year period – The Age of Aquarius is here.

As humans, we are carbon based electromagnetic units of life made of pure energy at the core of our being. The energies of the solar system and these two planets will affects each one of us individually and collectively in a variety of ways as we close out the book of extremes in 2020.

Previously these two planets were in the earth sign of Capricorn. A sign that kept us focused on material security, or the lack of it and also our tendencies to resist change.

Now as it moves both planets into the sign of Aquarius, the focus will…

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Today’s Learning Curve

Lessons I’ve learned:

The true meaning of “in sickness and in health”. : I have many health issues and throughout the years I have needed to be taken care of. I’m grateful that my boyfriend has always been a wonderful caregiver to me. Now, He is in need of a caregiver and I will always be there for him. Through these interactions I feel that we have become even closer than ever.

Patience is a virtue: Patience with others is a gift for them. People deserve to be treated with patience and love and they are grateful whether they say so or not. Patience with ones self is equally important. There are times that I have become impatient with my own self and say negative things to me. I deserve better. I deserve to have patience with myself. It’s a gift that is much needed for each of us.

Kind words make a difference: Speaking to people with love in your heart is worth more than can be described. We all need to be validated at times and when someone speaks kind words, it lifts us up. It physically brightens our eyes and fills us with a warmness.

Showing Love and saying I love you are two different things: Many people say ‘I love you” automatically without thinking. It’s as common as saying hello or goodbye. Often it loses its meaning because it’s thrown out there so nonchalantly. Showing love doesn’t need the words. Actions give us a feeling deep within and we are left with a knowing of the love from someone else. It took my boyfriend a very long time to tell me that he loves me. To this day, he uses the words sparingly. But, his love comes through each and every day by the way he jokes with me, listens to me, communicates with me. I don’t always need to hear it now. I know it. It is loud and clear.

The small stuff matters: You’ve heard the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff”, I’m sure. And small annoyances shouldn’t be given so much power over us. I’m talking about all the small details in daily life for example, the phone call with my mom every afternoon. We might not have a whole lot to talk about but her voice and her giggling are a treasure that will live with me all of my days.

I was given a gift from my step-daughter for my birthday which was a binder with blank loose leaf pages and dividers with pictures on them. She knows that I like writing so she put together this binder with the intention for me to use the pictures as writing prompts and the blank pages for me to fill my thoughts with. I don’t need expensive gifts when this small gesture gave me the biggest gift of all: The gift of love, understanding and the intention she so caringly put together for me.

My daughter made me a Mother’s day gift: It was a mason jar layered with sand, rocks, tiny baseballs, peanuts, and feathers. She wrapped labels around the top of the jar that stated: Sand, for our winter trips to the beach. Rocks, for the rocky times that make US. Softballs, for all the games you cheered for me. Peanuts, for the hot fudge sundaes we used to get at McDonald’s. Feathers, for the spirit we share and Finally, Dirt, for our trips to Hawk Mountain. My daughter captured our relationship in a mason jar and my heart swells every time I look at it. No, money can’t buy what these tiny gestures have given me. It is in our daily lives that we have so much treasure and sometimes we overlook. Get your microscope out and take a look at today.

Daily routines give us peace: This year has been specifically challenging for everyone because of the pandemic. We have all been thrown out of our routine and we are shaken to the core. It’s kind of nice all of a sudden to have our so-called drudgery routines back in our lives. We actually long for it. At first, it was kind of nice to be at home and not have to go out to work everyday but that got old real fast. We realized that those daily routines did give us a feeling of control and peace. My hope is that humanity begins to appreciate life in a new way. As we come back to our new normal we shouldn’t forget what it felt like to not have that job to go back to or how it felt to communicate in person with others.

There are so many pearls for us to see each and every day. I am still learning and will continue to learn to regroup, slow down and smell the roses. Family, community and physical contact will be looked at in a whole new way and that is a great gift to behold.

The Simmering Inferno

Boyfriend got his surgery and he’s doing quite well. The first 3 days were harrowing to say the least. Step-daughter and I took turns the first night setting up ice machine on and off every hour around the clock. Second and third night, step-daughter took the night shift while I slept and now, finally, he is able to get himself up during the night so we can all sleep. The surgery was friday and today is Thursday. Considernig it’s not even a full week yet, he’s doing great. He had a rotator cuff repair and bicep tendon repaired and moved. Not a simple operation.

He’s been a rock star as far as cooperating with physical therapy and doing his home exercises. I love this man and will do anything for him. But, I’m tired. Considering my health issues it has been hard on me. Honestly, it doesn’t matter, this is what is meant by in sickness and in health. I wouldn’t change a thing except for his one comment made on a very stressful day. We woke up and we were sitting in the kitchen. I made him breakfast and was having my coffee with him when he asked what my plans for the day were. I thought that was kind of strange considering the fact that It is not possible to do anything else right now but take care of him. I looked at him, puzzled and responded with a baffled glance. He continued to explain his question. “Well, I know that you like to clean throughout the day but I was wondering if we could make this a me day.”

Oh Good God! “Excuse me.” My thoughts were darting back and forth through my head in utter disbelief. I tried to remain calm because I didn’t want to go bonkers on a man in his condition. Hmm, I was thinking that every single moment of every single day for the past week was all about him. His daughter hasn’t slept in 3 nights and I am constantly up and down with him all day every day. That kind of sounds like a “me” day to any sane person. I thought for a moment that maybe he had a lapse in memory or a stroke or something radical had changed his thinking process. I shook my head and continued my day. All the while, I was processing the whole “me” day. I started to talk to myself as the day went on. Oh, the simmering had started. An inferno was building, building to a crescendo that I didn’t want to share lest I be thought of as uncaring. I waited until his daughter returned home from work and calmly told her the story. She damn near lost her mind. “I haven’t slept in 3 nights. I can’t believe he said that to you.” My eyes widened as I agreed with her. We settled ourselves and just kept moving along doing the necessary things for him.

The next day, his oldest daughter came to visit and I needed more ice from the store for his ice machine. I asked the two girls if they could run my errands for me because I was completely drained. When they returned, they both had a silly grin on their faces. We ordered dinner and as we sat waiting for it to be delivered, eldest daughter said, “I don’t know, but I sure think today looks like a “me” day.” Youngest daughter started grinning and I knew what they were talking about. Incredibly, boyfriend didn’t quite understand what was going on. Finally, all three of us, the two girls and I, went to town about having a “me” day. Boyfriend realized the situation he had created and tried to double back and explain how, somehow, someway, he was actually looking out for my well being when he asked such an absurd question. We watched him wriggle in his seat and waited for his ridiculous explanation. He said that he was looking out for me because he didn’t want me to get burned out by cleaning and taking care of him all in the same day. I do believe that it is normal for a caretaker to also clean up the kitchen after cooking and straighten up the house to keep things in order on a daily basis. It keeps things moving at a manageable pace. Oh, silly me. He was talking about a “me” day for me. HAHAHAHA, sorry not buying it.

Thankfully, we all were able to laugh at the ridiculousness of such a statement. At least he realized, thanks to the girls, that he lost his mind and made a dire mistake saying something like that to his caretaker. I always warn him to be careful when he says stupid things because, “I prepare your food.”