My boyfriend is having surgery in the coming days. He was injured almost a year ago and we have been waiting patiently for this surgery. Covid got in the way and so here we are at this late date finally scheduled for surgery. To say that this is stressful is an understatement. The last week has been off the charts. He’s more anxious about getting everything in line before the surgery. He needs clearance from different doctors. What was expected to be an easy transition has turned into an eleventh hour situation once again. In these Covid times it’s hard to get things done. I think many people are working from home so that makes it difficult to communicate properly within the medical system.
I find myself trying to keep him calm and stress free. It’s not working too well. I act like I have it all together and tell him not to worry. I think I have it all together but last night I did something that made me realize that I have misplaced my mind. Before I went to bed, I made sure to dust the living room tables. We have glass tables and you can see every bit of dust. It drives me crazy, as I sit there watching television I get distracted by the dust on the tables. Yes, I know. I can hear your voice as you reply that I must be nuts. Who watches dust? Anyway, I finished wiping everything, closed up the house and headed for the bedroom with the dust rag in hand. My clothes hamper is in the bathroom so I headed straight in there to throw the rag in and go to the bathroom while I was in there. I finished going to the bathroom and was about ready to flush when I realized that instead of throwing the rag in the hamper, I threw it in the toilet. I kid you not. I can’t make this stuff up. As I realized what I had done, I stood there shaking my head. Of course I had a new problem to handle. You know, geting the wire hanger and twisting it up so I could retrieve the disgusting rag. Yes, I did the gruesome deed, scrunching my nose up the entire time. I guess you could say that maybe I am stressed out too. This is not my idea of calm relaxation before bed.
I finally got in bed and did my nightly ritual of doing what I call my gratefuls. I list all the particular things that I am grateful for from the day. Then I sent all my prayers out for those individuals in my life that needed some loving intent. Finally, I meditated and fell asleep.
It all sounds so peaceful and it was. You would think that I didn’t have a worry in the world. I felt that I had given it all over to God. I find myself awake at 4:30 am thinking about what I have to say in order to get the clearance from one particular doctor. My mind begins to race so finally I got out of bed only to look out the glass sliding door and see the clearest sky above. The quarter moon shining bright and the planet closest to her shining right along. I’m reminded that my Holy Spirit is with me always. There are things that are out of my control but they will take care of themselves. Gazing up to the sky, I gasp at the beauty and grace of the moon and stars. I realize how blessed I am.