Family Conflict

Dear Reader,

I have been in a family struggle that is very disturbing.  Feelings have been hurt and misunderstandings have exploded on many levels.  I feel that I should know better than to engage in the drama surrounding me.  But, I did engage in it and I have hurt my sibling.  We siblings have been in the same situation before and I thought we grew enough to never allow things to come between us again.  After losing our sister it felt like we came to a new appreciation for each other.

Do you have thoughts on the subject?  Have you had conflicts within your family?  How have you been able to solve these situations?  Or, do you continue to not talk to your family member because they were wrong and you were right?  Please share your thoughts and ideas with me.

One thing I have learned on my journey is that being right is not always the best result to strive fore.  I always try to strive for peace.  But the conundrum that I face is that I don’t think this dissention is really a situation of right or wrong.  I guess the issue is that at times we make judgments of the actions of others without knowing all the facts and viewpoints of the other parties involved.

Do you ever get aggravated with a family member because you don’tlike the way they respond to situations?  Would you feel comfortable enough to ask that person why they are so aggravated with you?

It’s difficult to deal with the awful feeling deep in my gut when the family is not getting along.  I absolutely hate it.  It makes me sick to my stomach.  All I want is peace.  I love all my siblings and I don’t want anyone to feel hurt or sad.

Please answer me this question:  How do you deal with a situation when the hurt family member will not speak to you and you want to make it right?

I wanted to have this issue resolved right away but my sibling was not ready to have the discussion yet.  I wanted to just air it out and let the healing begin.

Would you rather air it out or just hold it in and allow time to swallow up your relationship?

I guess I will have to lean upon the lessons that I’ve gotten through my journey of life.  I know I have the tools to work this out.  I believe I just need to focus and allow things to settle down on their own for now.

My dear reader, I know I have asked you a lot of questions and I am hoping that you are able to come up with some answers to this very important issue.  I think that we all have the same kinds of conflicts in our lives and it is always a great way to learn when we can look deep into ourselves and find the real truth even if is unflattering to our own selves.  Conflict resolution is a great skill to have but when it involves loved ones the emotions can cloud our vision and steal our peace away.  I have found that if we decide to talk to other family members about the situation it only makes things worse.  The situation then becomes a division of us vs. them.  One small situation can snowball pretty fast into an unstoppable  and unfixable problem.  It can sever our family to the core if we allow it.

For myself, I will have to be still, meditate and pray for the grace to be patient and open to healing this situation.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening and helping me work through this glitch in my journey.  I appreciate your honesty when it comes to all the questions I have asked.

Sincerely,

Mary

My Church

I took a walk early yesterday morning with my puppy of 4 1/2 months.  We have a beautiful trail in our town that moseys through one town after the other.  Although I live near the beach, my heart has always been inspired by the forest.

As I entered the trail it was like walking into a church.  All of the trees and vines are in full bloom and together they create a canopy above making me feel like I am walking on Holy ground.  The coolness of the shade is welcomed and refreshing.  The scents that reach me are uplifting to say the least.  The sweetness of honeysuckle refreshes me.  The coolness and smell of damp earth makes me feel alive.  They transform my soul to a higher vibration.

As I walk through and into this magic kingdom I feel one with the trees and closer to God.  There’s so much life and wisdom here.  I just have to breathe and listen to  the soft breeze and the story she is telling me.

I hadn’t walked on this trail for some time,  and now being back with her, I feel such a sense of peace and tranquility and realize how much I missed my inspirational companion.

Today I am grateful for the uplifting spirituality that comes to me as I walk on this trail.  I have found a blessing that is priceless.  Nature doesn’t cost me a thing but gives me so much love and power.

I pray that you have a special place of peace and serenity at your beck and call.  A place to go to when you need calmness and love.  Love and wisdom are surrounding us in the humblest of places.  With hearts and minds open we can be transformed in nature and share that transformation with others.

Life is good and we need to remind each other how blessed we are to be alive.  We have to see that the world is a wonderful place and that most people are good.  We all just want to love and be loved.  That’s what I get out of my “church” as I walk along her path.

It is my responsibility to share this goodness with everyone.  Eventually, we will see that there are so many others experiencing the same thing and that we are not so very different.  Love is Love.

The 24 Hour Gifts

Today is a great day.  Yes it is because I have love in my life, peace in my heart and happiness in my soul.  It’s taken much of my life to be able to say this.  As I sit here and write, my puppy is curled up next to me on the floor.  I can hear my washing machine cleaning my clothes and the dryer is drying the first load.  My house is clean and I just finished food shopping.  These are the places that I have found my peace.  After leaving the food store I felt grateful for being able to buy the food.  It warmed my heart. As I grow older I am realizing the joy in all the little things.

On this day there is no drama floating around me.  I have found solace in being able to sit and write at this moment.  Today I have to pay the mortgage and I am able to do that.  Peace surrounds me knowing that I am well cared for.  We are having hot dogs for dinner and I’m completely satisfied that I have a dinner plan.  I find relief that I don’t have to worry what’s for dinner because cooking is not my favorite thing to do and I get stressed out each morning when I try to figure out what I’m going to make for dinner.  But at this moment I can feel peaceful about that.

The small comforts of home bring me tremendous joy.  After food shopping today I realized that I was able to afford snacks, so after dinner we will be able to sit down and relax while watching television and enjoy our snacks.  What a gift that is.  It’s not about the food.  It’s about the comfort of home.  It’s about the warmth of knowing I am so blessed with all these different little things in this 24 hour day.  In 24 hours there can be so many moments of being grateful for all of life’s pleasures.

Windsong

To all my friends and family,

Have you ever wondered why I have named my email with Windsong in it?  I will share this with you because I am giving you a part of my heart and a look into my soul.  If you’ll take a moment and enjoy this song you will know more about me and who I am.

A song written by someone else yet it has my spirit written all over it.

Much love to all of you,

Just click on the link below.

Windsong

 

You Get to Choose

What are the chains that bind you?

What kind of ties limit your beliefs and ability to accept this moment as it is?

One can wake up in the morning and choose to feel fresh and alive or one can create their own prison of misery. One can complain and see emptiness everywhere.

If one is feeling like they are imprisoned they must own that it is their choice. They have created their prison by living in fear, judgement, anger and resentment. The dark prison where they are sending their soul, searching for fulfillment and light where there is none. These are ones chains. These are ones choices.

Contrast of Life: Good vs. Bad, Hope vs. Despair, Joy vs. Sorrow
A clear choice must be made. What will it be? Confinement or Freedom?

Two choices are available every moment of every day. It can only be one way. We can train our brain to choose the joy over despair by small changes.

Elevator or Stairs? The elevator is quick, easy and doesn’t require any effort but gives nothing more than a ride. The stairs provide exercise that feeds the body and the mind. The activity they provide clear the brain and make you feel good for extended periods of time. Ask yourself everday, elevator or stairs? The answer can be found when you look for the guidance of the benefits you can reap.

Easy choices broken down into small pieces. A split second decision to the question: Elevator or Stairs? Confinement or Freedom?

What are the ties that bind you?

Organized Religion. What’s to be thankful for?

I went to Catholic School for 12 years. The Catholic religion was as much a part of me as my DNA. I loved it there and found peace in the routines and repetitions of prayers. I grew up and walked along my personal path of what I believed. When bumps in the road such as a failed marriage and divorce became my reality. How could I be the person who divorces? I committed myself to this man for life as was expected by my church but he wasn’t present with me. I perservered for 9 years but my sadness and loneliness became my prison. Now I had found myself on the wrong side of my religion.

I wanted a fresh start and a blessing from God and my priest but it wasn’t meant to be. The restrictions of my indoctrination no longer wanted a tainted soul and that is how they looked upon me. My heart, so broken into pieces, had to seek shelter elsewhere and so my spiritual journey began.

Years ago I was told I could never be reconciled with God or Church because of divorce. My church left me but My God walked with me all the while.
I sought out other voices of God to nourish my soul and I felt fulfilled as each new experience with religion brought me to a closer more intimate relationship with my God. I no longer attend meetings of organized religion but have greater enrichment. I thought I was lost but I was walking the path to spiritual enlightenment that I continue to walk today.

I thank you, organized religion, for giving me the foundation to walk this journey as I grow and become present with my Holy Spirit. Without you I could not have known the true unconditional love afforded to me by Spirit. I am grateful everyday for all that I am and all that brought me to this moment of love and peace. Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

Color Me Red

I saw a picture of a girl sitting on a couch laughing. She had red hair and wore a white dress. She was bobbing her head around and frolicking hysterically as she chuckled such a happy giggle. Who is that girl I wondered.

I’m looking at a little girl with a sad expression on her face. She cries very often and doesn’t talk too much. Even when she does talk it’s a quiet whisper. Her tears come more often than her sweet grin. I asked her what her name was and she shyly whispered “Mona”. I sat with her for a while and tried to strike up a conversation but her apprehension was so great that she just put her head down and searched for something to look at other than me. Mona, I asked, why are you so sad? “I don’t know” she replied. It was difficult to pry any information out of her. “Well Mona, I’ve been told that you cry very easily and I’m sure there must be a reason. Can you tell me what upsets you so?” Mona sat quietly in the room with me. There were toys for her to play with but she had no interest in any of them. She was very fidgety because she didn’t want to engage in this conversation. Mona looked at me out of the corner of her eye and said “my brother makes me cry”. “He’s mean to me”. I began to ask her questions about the things that her brother did that were mean. “He points at me and tells me scary stories and he laughs at me”, said Mona. “Well Mona I knew there had to be a reason that you were sad. I would be sad too if someone laughed at me and made fun of me. What kind of stories does he tell you that are so scary?” Mona sat up and looked at me very intently now and said “he said that I used to have a sister named Mona and she cried all the time and they drowned her in peanut butter and they buried her under the apple tree in our backyard.” I looked at poor Mona and realized that her brother was tormenting her but he did it in a way that nobody else could see. He would place his elbows in a certain way at the dinner table so that they were pointing in her direction and he would whisper “Mona, I’m pointing at you.” This was a terrible torment especially because it was secret and everybody in the family couldn’t understand why Mona was such a cry baby. At such a young age she felt like a victim that no one else could understand and they couldn’t because they didn’t see clearly what her brother was doing. Her family chalked it up to the fact that Mona was just a very sensitive child. But nobody liked a cry baby.

I see a young woman who is married and has a small child. She works full time so her son has to go to daycare. Her husband works full time too but he is very withdrawn all the time. He works more than the average 40 hours a week. For some reason he’s working 50 or 60 hours a week. Even when her husband is home he is never present. He sleeps a lot and is cranky most of the time. He doesn’t like to smile ever. This woman is very lonely in her marriage and so she shares all her time with her little boy and he becomes a companion of sorts. She takes him to the orchards and to the park. They go to the movies together and Mother and Son are very happy. But the loneliness just fills her inside. She can’t share her feelings or emotions with her husband because he won’t tolerate it so she just let’s it build up inside without a whisper to anyone, another lonely hearted soul. Eventually she and her husband have a second son and shortly thereafter they face divorce. A woman can only stand being alone for so long. The sadness and fear and anger keep building like lava heating up up underneath the mountain. Soon the volcano will burst and what will be left in the ashes no one can know.

Independence is a funny thing. We are not always born with it or maybe we are but we learn very early on to contain it. We must always contain any thoughts or emotions because nobody likes a cry baby. There are times when independence is forced upon us because we cannot count on anyone else. We have to figure things out for ourselves because there isn’t any rescue waiting for us. We are lonely beings just waiting for someone or something to come along and pick up our broken pieces and put us back together. A person can get pushed into it if they want any chance at survival. Self reliance can pop up in our path because we have no other choice.

A woman in her mid thirties walks by me. She’s a little heavy set with brown hair and stands about 5 feet 2 inches. She’s got her little girl with her and they are getting ready to enter the dance studio. The woman seems pretty happy with a smile on her face as she greets the dance teacher. Her daughter is a very confident, talkative little girl. Everyone at the studio knows her. She is quite the social butterfly. The mother sits in the waiting area with the other mothers while their children have their dance lesson and they chat about Mom stuff. I noticed that she comes by here every week with her daughter and now she is able to drop her off and pick her up after her lesson. I’ve never seen her Father come by. A few years later I saw the same woman with her daughter who was of course starting to grow up. They were at the ice cream stand in our town with the daughter’s softball team. Everyone was all smiles and the parents were friends. The kids hung out with the kids and the parents hung out with the parents. I guess when your kids are in activities that becomes your social life. I didn’t notice her Father there either.

I just met this woman at my weight management group. She’s really nice and so caring. She makes me feel comfortable sharing my weight loss journey. It’s very difficult to speak about what caused a person to become heavy. It’s like a therapy session and people share their souls with the group. I like this woman. Her confidence and humor make our meetings so much fun.

As time has gone by I too have changed. I’ve grown older, wiser, more confident and willing to socialize with everyone. My life is good and I’m finally happy. As the years have moved forward I’ve been able to grow my spiritual foundation and at the same time not take life too seriously. I know how to have fun now. I can laugh and dance and sing and find humor in most things now. It’s funny how life can change. As you grow older you get new friends, keep some old ones and socialize with different groups of people. I’m looking in the mirror now and wondering if this dress flatters my thinning figure. I’ve dyed my hair red because I love switching things up now and again. I have to laugh at how men respond to red heads. It’s astonishing how boyish they become with their flirting even as an older adult.