In Sickness and In Health

I’m tired today.  My body is aching and I haven’t felt well recently.  I go through these stages at different times.  I have illnesses but truly I am a healthy soul.  The body is going to do things we don’t want it to do.  It’s going to break down at some point because it is just a temporary housing for our soul.

Although, I am sick according to doctors, I am a healthy being, true and perfect as I was created.  The source of my light and life abide within me.  How could I be less than perfect?

So, today is an off day for my body.  Even though we have emotions and moods it doesn’t mean that we are not well.  Today I can choose to be sick in body and spirit or I can accept that my body is sick, but my spirit is “A” okay.

It’s easy to have a tendency to just give up the day to sadness and self pity because I am not feeling well,  but the truth of the matter is we are all really doing fine.  When we don’t feel well, we have to take time to breathe and hear the voice of God within.  We do this because it can keep us from identifying with our illness.  We are not our illness.  We are not a disease.  At these times we can stop and peel back some layers so that we can see more clearly who we are.  It may take some practice because we have to quiet our minds from the noise of our thoughts.

I have always referred to myself as a searcher.  I grew up as a practicing Catholic and them moved on to a Mennonite church for a while.  After that, I was familiarized with the Native American way.  I’ve always wanted to learn more spiritually.  I’ve wanted to connect with others in a more Christian way.  As I have journeyed on this path, I’ve picked up so many lessons.  I have learned to not identify with my circumstances and the results have been amazing.

My body has a disease called multiple sclerosis and when I first was diagnosed with it, I fell apart.  I was a mess physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I say spiritually because I was not in tune with God as the source of my being.  I knew God but didn’t realize he exists in me.  Physically, I let it get the best of me and wallowed in the sadness and grief that had been given to me.  When I think about it now I almost have to laugh to think that I am so special that a disease was “given” to me.  Given by who?

I do not believe that illness is given to anybody.  Life happens and it’s nobody’s fault.  I can’t blame God because I got MS.  He didn’t give it to me.  We live in a world with a lot of people.  There’s disease, illness, sadness, grief, loneliness and sorrow.  But, nobody gave any of that to me or to you.  It’s just part of being human.

I am human and my body is susceptible to any number of things going wrong.  There’s a lot going on in there;  cells and veins and moving things like lungs and air and hearts and pumping.  Germs get picked up and bodies react a certain way.  No, I am not special.  Every person has all of this going on.

I don’t want to wallow in sickness when I have the most prodigious spirit residing in this capsule I call a body.

The thing that makes me special and every single other being in this world is the Holy Spirit that is our source and our light.  How could we be anything other than amazing when the very thing that gives us life and light is at the core of our being?

I’m going to rest my body today and work with it.  I don’t have to be sad or in a miserable mood because it’s an off day.  It’s really not an off day.  It’s just a day and My spirit is still here, teaching me and allowing me to breathe with this particular body and when it is time to release this body, I will still be alive as the same perfect being as I was created.